My Friend Wants an Abortion. What do I say to her?

Your friend has just told you that she is pregnant and is seriously considering abortion. This kind of situation can be very uncomfortable, and it can be difficult to know what to say.

There are a few reactions we may tend toward when confronted with this situation. Some of us, feeling awkward, may want to ignore the conversation. Others may have the opposite reaction and feel obligated to support her in every way, even if that means encouraging her in her decision to have the abortion. Those who feel strongly about the value of life may feel the urge to preach at her, leaving her with the feeling that there’s something wrong with her for even considering it.

In most cases, none of these reactions are advisable. What should you say, then? Well, here are a few suggestions that may help.

Things to keep in mind:
•    Your friend is going through a stressful event in her life—the last thing she needs is to be told how sinful she is for considering abortion.
•    Her world has likely been turned upside-down, and she probably cannot see past her current circumstances to the future consequences of her decision.
•    Even if she herself doesn’t want an abortion, she may be experiencing pressure from every side to have one—from her family, her significant other, her other friends and mentors. Even for someone who is strongly against abortion, this is enormous pressure!
•    Your friend is her own person with free will. No matter what you say or do, you cannot make her do the right thing.
•    Remember that dealing with a situation like this is a process, not a one-time event.

What you can do:
•    Pray—the most important action you can take in this situation is to pray (on your own and with her), not only for her comfort and wisdom, but also for your own discernment so that you can best help and minister to her in this difficult time.
•    Help her realize there is no need to rush her decision. This is a big decision that deserves much time put toward thought, counsel and prayer.
•    Be there for her—this doesn’t mean you have to support her decision to have an abortion, but you can still be there for her, caring for her emotional, and physical needs, etc.
•    Encourage her to acknowledge her beliefs in the value of life, in the value of her baby, in her own self-worth regardless of her circumstances. This will help her keep from making rash, emotional decisions she may later regret.
•    Help her develop a positive view of more desirable options: keeping the baby, or adoption.
•    Answer her questions—if she asks you questions, she may be struggling inside about her decision, truly wanting your opinion. Be gentile about how you handle her questions and be discerning; remember she is probably emotionally drained and doesn’t need another person to pummel her with their opinion.
•    Watch for red herrings—because she is going through a very stressful event in her life, she may be angry. If you detect this, don’t address the red herrings directly, but try to understand the real feelings and questions behind her words; this is where the real ministry will happen.
•    Talk through her greatest fears that contribute to her reasons for having an abortion. Then walk with her to find the right solutions to these fears.
•    Gently encourage her to do the right thing—this may be the hardest part, but aside from prayer, it is perhaps the most crucial. Try not to exasperate her, but until that point, make every effort to discourage the abortion.